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Channel / Source:
TEDx Talks
Published: 2017-09-13
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcwyN7hyXh8
%HESITATION a flight attendant on the long flight from Chicago to Melvin was hilarious throughout the flight a beam that my pregnancy studied my wobbling body and exclaimed practically every hour almighty god do you have it and many discover those of doctor you can only imagine his curiosity finally finally the flightline he took my hands said good luck your life it's going to be amazing it turns
out that he was wrong tragedy let just around the corner in the form of a routine ultrasound with my new obstetrician I was young fit and poised to have twins also supports to become an oncologist life was good the veteran obstetrician and I chatted away and I would have missed the expression on his face had it not been for the shock fraud office probe into my
active I didn't know the doctor but I knew that expression it was the kind of expression I imagine I would weigh when looking at bats stance and progressive disease but even before I had an opportunity to frame a question he had rushed out through the door through the closed door I had respect exchanges and I knew I was in trouble how much trouble I followed the
obstetrician into a cramped space obviously not set up for unexpected income he gave me his comfortable chair and took a hard one the concern on his face now evident still have no idea I'm afraid I have bad news he said for a fleeting moment I thought that my medical Braidwood kicking and I would pummel him with sophisticated questions to challenges a session that my twins were
gravely ill but of course I was like every other patients my mind burning with questions while my voice was not of course I also knew that doctors sometimes sidestepped the truth usually with the intent protecting the passion he could have lost me to wait for tests and more doctors but I knew that he knew and I wanted him to tell me the truth so all the
questions that I could have lost him I was the only question that match it will they die yes he said holding my grades until tears started streaming down his face and he made no attempt to watch them I was struck then by the profound realization that in all my years of medical education and training I'd never seen a doctor cry in front of a patient surely
those years have produced no end of tragedy and I've had remorse regret expressions of sci but I'd never seen a doctor my mind continued to burn with questions from the extraordinary to the Monday happened when in utero twins were dying something awful about to happen to me as well I'm not even pay for this life changing encounter with credit or cash meanwhile my doctor said nothing
he didn't offer any bring the solution nor try platitudes he didn't tell me that he understood he didn't tell me that things would be okay and he certainly didn't help me to look on the bright side instead my doctor sat quietly and allowed me to do the same and while it may have seemed to him like a palace in two years gone by to meet those
few moments gave me the greatest gift gift hosier I don't know what to say he finally murmured his eyes still moist tell me you can fix it I thought instead I asked are you sure yes he responded his honesty stunk but here told me the unflinching truth and in doing so almost surgically displaced any uncertainty with the knowledge that I needed to prepare myself for what
lay ahead later that day I had to stop the piston so doctor after doctor but I cope better because the first doctor had told me that it's difficult to know what sort of an oncologist I might have become had it not been for the searing experience of my personal loss but what my law showed me is that our technical skills matter what matters most awful is
the art of humanity humility compassion navigating uncertainty telling the truth these are the things that our patients remember us full and I know that long after my medical drama was over what stayed with me was that my doctor had shared my sorrow somehow it made my sorrow seemed less maddening less personal more bearable this experience has a passion has been the Guiding Light of my career
as a doctor you know the flight attendant was right my life did turn out to be amazing I went on to have healthy children a fulfilling career and opportunities like this and to be honest it's not very often that I dwell on the loss of the twins but I'm only human and every now and then I do catch myself thinking about what they might have been
