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TEDx Talks
Published: 2014-01-31
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0C2LPXaEW4
I don't know anyone who has a perfect life nobody and I know that every single one of us have our own personal challenges and trials and there are days when we wish that we didn't have to get out of bed their duties and we just wish we could pull the covers back up and hibernate but we all have a choice to make we have the choice
to stay in bed and keep the covers pulled over us or we have a choice to move forward when I was fourteen years old nothing special stood out about me I was just average fourteen year old getting ready to graduate from junior high very excited I remember going to bed one night in a room that I shared with my sister in a bed that I shared
with my sister I remember waking up to the voice a strange voice saying I have a knife at your neck don't make a sound get up and come with me that started a nine month long nightmare I remember this strange man taking me way up into the mountains behind my home all the while at knife point I mean I remember being brought so far up into
the mountains we crossed right over the top of the mountain and started down the other side we were about a quarter of the way down the other side when we came to a Grove of trees and nothing stood out about it nothing seems special about it but he directed me inside this Grove of trees I remember walking in I saw that part of the mountain had
been leveled out there was a tent set up there were tarps lying on the ground hanging up in the trees I remember seeing a huge hole in the ground behind the tent where they had laid logs across the top and then thrown dirt up on top of it but the most scary part of this whole scene was the woman that emerged from the tent she brought
me and then she sat me down on a bucket where she tried to sponge bath me and check change me out of my pajamas into strange robes I grew up in a very very shy and very very self conscious and that was just about the most dramatic thing I had ever had happened to me I remember begging and pleading with her just to let me do
it myself that I wasn't thirty that I had just showered the night before and that I I could change myself I didn't need her help finally after I don't know fifteen minutes probably of begging and crying she finally just passed me the robes I wiggle them on she scooped up my pajamas and she left me alone in the tent city non upturned bucket I remember sitting
there and crying and crying and thinking of what had happened to me how had just yesterday I had been at school with my friends how it just yesterday I'd been at home looking red looking forward to graduating ready to go to high school how had this happened how had my world turned from day to night and what happened to my family had this man gone through
my house already and murdered my family who was going to happen to me the only thoughts that I could think of were gonna happen to me where he's going to rape me and then he's going to kill me because nobody survives being kidnapped nobody ever comes home I've never seen a happily ever after in the kidnapping story every store the news repeats it's always the same
maybe it's days later weeks later years later a body is found but that's what happened as I sat there crying and being so scared I remember the tent door unzipped in and in walked this man and you change out of the dark clothes he kidnapped me and into a rope just like the one I had on any knelt down next many started to speak and at
first I was so caught up in my own worries and my own fears and what had happened and what was going to happen I couldn't even begin to think to listen to what he was saying finally some part of me hold myself together long enough to hear him say the words that I was now his wife I was still to him and that I was suppose
to perform all wifely duties and it was time for us to consummate our marriage now I grew up in a very traditional home my family it's very religious I have been raised to believe that sexual relationships are to be within the boundaries of marriage and that's what I've always believed that's what I'd always intended on following and so here this man was telling me that I
was supposed to consummate our marriage and I may have grown up in a bit of a bubble I mean I may not have been the most forward thinking fourteen year old in the world at the time part of me wasn't even sure I knew what consummate the marriage meant the other part of me was praying and hoping but it wasn't what I thought it was I
quickly found out exactly what it was I remember begging and pleading and crying and try to come up with every reason I possibly could try to convince dismantle amigo to not hurt me to just release me back to my family but nothing I said are dead made a difference I will never forget he pulled me off the bucket where I'd been sitting on to the ground
where he ripped off a robot been forced to put on and he raped me on the floor of the tent then when he was finished he got up and he left me alone and I will never ever forget how I felt how broken I felt how I was beyond all hell all hope that even if someone did find me what was the point I was useless
I was disgusting I wasn't worth saving at that point I fell asleep thinking those thoughts and when I woke up there was this man kneeling over me again and this time he'd taken a thank metal cable and had wrapped it around my ankle and bolted into place that I couldn't run away and that moment I started thinking of all the children whom I'd seen on the
news his stories always seemed and so tragically and I couldn't help but think they are the lucky ones they are so lucky I wish I could be one of those children because no one will ever hurt them again no one will ever make them feel like they are worthless or that there unloved no one can ever do that them again I wish that was me and
that is a brief look of what the next nine months were very early on I made the decision that I wasn't going to let these two characters when I wasn't going to let them take my life from me I would do everything I possibly could to survive even if that meant out living them even if that meant surviving for another thirty years going through this kind
of abuse everyday thank heavens it wasn't thirty years as only nine months later I will never forget the first time I saw my dad after the police had stopped and picked pick me up I will never forget feeling that no matter what lay in front of me it was going to be okay and that nobody ever again would be able to make me hurt the way
that these two what made me hurt the last nine months best feeling in the world knowing that someone loves you the following day my mother gave me a piece of advice and I'd like to share it with you because as I said we all have trials in life we all have those times but we don't want to get out of bed my mom said to me
Elisabeth what this man has done to you it's terrible and there are not words strong enough to describe how wicked and evil he is he has stolen nine months of your life that you will never get back the best punishment you could ever give him is to be happy is to move forward with your life because by feeling sorry for yourself holding on to the past
and dwelling on what's happened to you that's only allowing them more control more power still more of your life away from you so don't let that happen justice mayor may not be served restitution there may not be made but don't you dare give them another second of your life I have tried to follow that advice every day since then I am a long ways from following
it perfectly but then again what daughter is perfect following her mother's advice but I know that we all have a choice I know that when we are faced with trials we have a choice we can given and surrender or we can fight and we can move forward and as I've been able to go out and share my story and speak with different people I've learned so
much I've come to a point in my life that I can say although I would never wish it upon myself and I certainly never would wish it upon anyone else I am grateful for what is happened to me because of what it's taught me because of that perspective it's given me an empathy I felt for other survivors I am grateful that I can make a difference
I'm grateful that I can speak out and especially for victims of sexual abuse Robert been able to speak out for themselves yet it is so dramatic it is so scary coming forward and saying I was sexually abused I was hurt someone stole something from me that I'll never get back but I have to tell you it is so important to come forward and share your stories
and speak out about it even if it's not to your community even if it's not on a larger scale but at least to law enforcement so that we can stop those people that are out there taking advantage of other people it is so important so I have to encourage every single one of you when you are faced a trial don't give up don't surrender move forward
