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TEDx Talks
Published: 2017-09-06
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wpCZxiAQzw
%HESITATION I'm the accidental doctor I never expected to be this person I am this person because of the unlimited power of mentorship I'm going to share a story with you that's a little difficult for me to tell classrooms and books have never really been my thing in fact I felt great nine and for example my high school provincial standardization test scores in English twenty eight percent
I was a very book smart in fact I was full on book down here's a secret the only reason I got out of high school was by and large due to the goodwill of my teachers and the group work my friends bestowed upon me they're completed homework became my completed homework their answers became my answers you know what that's code for right for about three decades
reading and especially writing were pretty much out of reach for me that's terribly hard on the soul ashamed I was about to drop out of university I gain this time I was an adult in my thirties and it was going to be from my fourth time being all I could think about was how I was going to tell my family on my way to drop out
I met Lee Allen my future mentor it was an accidental meeting and it for ever change the course of my life she struck up a conversation with me to ask in her very sincere way so how's school going while I lost it I told this total stranger absolutely everything I admit it out loud for the very first time that I was stupid and I mean really
really stupid it's how I felt that I had the grades to prove it I believe it with all of my heart and all of my head what more did I need well it turned out that this kind eyed woman was not only studying English literature pursuing a PhD but she also worked on campus at U. envies center for students with learning disabilities she suggested very gently
to me that I get tested for learning disabilities I had never heard of learning disabilities before and so was I was trying to get my head around this shoes coming to a conclusion all on her own why did I look so familiar well it turns out I've led a rather public life my husband is a former Canadian provincial premier that adds a layer of complexity living
in a political fish bowl I carefully protected my privacy I had always felt as though I was part of an environment that was built on the assumption that everyone of value was in perfect working order and I had been faking smart and faking able and faking competent and hiding stupid my whole life I had always had high feelings of fraudulent and at that moment I was
about to potentially become the failed First Lady how's that for public ass whipping but at the suggestion of this complete stranger I didn't withdraw that day instead I was soon tested for and diagnosed with learning disabilities I also began to understand the concept of no diversity Lee Allen taught me that I can learn I just learn differently Lee Allen some more in me that I could
see in myself she it's a great mentor I went on to complete an undergraduate degree a master's degree and a PhD and I'm humbled that my work and research on mentoring it's both award winning and globally recognized by the international mentoring association but I tell you this not to boast or to bring but because I want you to understand the unlimited power of mentorship and I'm
not the only one who's extolling the virtues of mentoring seventy five percent of executives credit mentors with helping them reach their current level of success and yet more than forty percent forty percent of millennials I would out a mentor we are failing the next generation and to me this is unacceptable the formula is broken and smart young people like you deserve good mentors to so if
you're one of the seventy eight percent I was talking about chances are your boomer or a traditionalist so somewhere north of fifty and chances are really good your white male and chances are really really good your mentor by another white male and that's how it was but the problem with this is how they experience how mentoring looks and sounds and is expressed it happened in a
vacuum a monoculture vacuum white guys mentoring other white guys this formula is passe since then the workforce has diversified visible minority women immigrants newcomers people with disabilities so these guys these executives these role models who believe in the unlimited power mentoring really believe in it because they've experienced the benefit of good quality mentoring are largely unprepared to mental more than half of the population who deserved
and require good quality mentoring and this formula is further compounded by the fact that the model we currently use is one in which the mentee is portrayed merely as a vessel that knowledge is poured into possibly my standards if you will this is not the formula that works best yet were bombarded with messages about the mentor the old adages go forward pay it forward be a
mentor in popular culture and elsewhere we hear mentor mentor mentor but the core of this equation it's no longer the mentor it's not the mentor at all it's the mentee we can hack mentoring if we flip a power structure from the mentor to the mentee the model that works best is one in which the mentee takes agency and is the owner and the driver in my
experience successful mentees no that good mentoring relationships don't just how not your head if your answer is yes to any of these who here believes in mentoring who here would like more mentors who here would like more fulfilling relationships with their mentors I see a lot of heads nodding awesome well when you look at remarkable individuals or successful individuals and I don't mean monetarily I mean
individuals who achieved what they set out to do the one thing you'll find they have in common is mentorship it's a vitally important ingredient for leaders lifelong learners and doers so as a researcher I began to ask myself how is mentoring affected me I began to realize that mentor learning real life exponentially and building relationships has been more valuable to me than classroom learning I also
began to realize that from a very young age all of my successes were celebrating were hard earned and do in large part to the magic the magic of mentoring a formula go something like this hard work plus some lucky breaks plus good mentors went a little pixie dust but make no mistake cultivating good mentor relationships it's complex as a mentee you have to want it you
have to seek it you have to nurture you have to be the driver look you're the driver of your own life why not this to and remember this closed amounts don't get fed just because you know someone doesn't mean you're going to be mentors because the formula is broken if you don't say it they might not get it take a chance on yourself ask and remember
not all good mentors are in the same field as you or you might like to be you don't necessarily want a mirror image of yourself and remember a mattress qualities and experiences are more important than his or her profession and mentees know that you're in the driver's seat don't expect your mentor to know how to mentor you shop prepared and don't leave it up to them
to establish the relationship dynamics take the lead on that and I tell you good intentions are not enough take the lead expected more of yourself as a mentee but it benefits us all because successful mentees go on to become good mentors and mentors mentors I want you to know the hope that you can give the impact that you can have the lights that you can change
and be sure to diversify this minorities women immigrants newcomers people with disabilities people outside of your profession and did everyone here know how to spot a mentor well they speak not in sentences but it invitation they say things like this let me know let me know how I can help let me know what you need if these people stepped into a phone booth and ripped off
her shirt the one underneath would have a great big am on it you need a team of these people so in cultivating your mentor network remember tend your mentors much like you might a flower garden and know that mentors rarely look act or sound like what you might expect and most important of all you never know when one might cross your path perhaps an accidental meeting
