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Channel / Source:
TEDx Talks
Published: 2011-06-12
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc
uhhuh vannatter god blinding light hi everybody how are you fineness home my gosh okay so my name is Mel Robbins and for the last seventeen years I have done nothing but help people get everything that they want within reason my husband's here %HESITATION and so I've done in the courtroom in the board room %HESITATION in the bedroom in people's living room whatever room you want to
be there I will help you get whatever you want by any means necessary for the last three years I've hosts I host a syndicated radio show five days a week I go live in forty cities and I talk to men and women across America who feel stuck you know that a third of Americans feel dissatisfied with their lives right now that is a hundred million people
this is and I've come face to face with fitness new show that I'm doing which is also insane it's called in laws I move in with families across America you guessed it who are at war with their in laws we're moving into the same house I verbally assassinate everybody we open up Pandora's box and I get people to stop arguing about the doughnuts and who's hosting
thanksgiving dinner and talk about the real stuff and that's what I want to talk to you about I'm here for you I'm gonna tell you everything I know in less than eighteen minutes about how to get what you want so I want you to take a millisecond right now and I want you to think about what you want you know what you'll be selfish screw Simon
in the we think this is about me right now sorry Simon %HESITATION what he wants and here's the deal I don't want it to sound good to other people being healthy will not get your ass on a treadmill losing your man boobs so you could hook up with somebody now that's motivation so I want to know what do you want you wanna lose weight you want
to triple your income you wanna start a nonprofit you wanna find that love what is it get it right here you know what it is don't I may analyze it to death just pick something that's part of the problem you will pick so really talking about how you get what you want and frankly get what you want a simple but notice I didn't say it was
easy it's very simple in fact if you think about it we live in the most amazing moment in time so that thing that you have up here whatever it may be you wanna use healthy eating to carry your diabetes you wanna figure out how to take care of %HESITATION the elders and started to hospice center you wanna move Africa and build a school guess what you
can walk into a bookstore right now and by at least ten books written by credentialed experts on how the hell you do you could Google it and you can probably find it leased out I don't a thousand blogs documenting the step by step by step transformation that somebody else is already doing you can find any money online and cyberstalking you can just walk in their spots
that some like that you just use the science of drafting following also gone to someone who already know so why don't you have what you want when you have all the information that you need you have the contacts that you need they're probably free tools online that allow you to start a business or join a group or do whatever the heck you want it all comes
down to one word shut the front door you know what I'm talking about the F. bomb it's everywhere you hear all the time and I honestly don't understand what the appeal is of the work I don't sound smart when you say it and it's really not expressing how you really feel it's sort of a cheap yeah shot to take and of course you know I'm talking
about the word fine how you doing I'm fine a really you are drag around those extra forty pounds you find feeling like roommates with their spouse you're fine you haven't had sex in four months you're fine really I don't think so but see here's the deal was saying that you're fine it's actually genius because if you're fine you want to do anything about it but when
you think about this word fine it just makes me so angry Amira comments about being alive and you're going to describe the experience of being alive as fine Lindsey and feeble word your crappy say your crappy if you're amazing say are amazing tell the truth and this not only goes for the social construct though I want to burden you with the fact that I hate my
life for you know I am amazing but that would make you feel terrible the bigger issue the bigger issue would find is that you say it to yourself that thing that you want I guarantee you you've convinced yourself that you're fine not having that's why you're pushing yourself it's the areas in your life where you've given up reeve said all I'm fine I I at my
mom's never gonna change so I just can't have that conversation I'm fine you know we gotta wait till the kids graduate before we get divorced so we'll just sleep in separate bedrooms I'm fine I lost my job I can barely pay my bills but whatever it's hard to get a job and you know one of the reasons why this word also just annoys me so much
is scientists have calculated oh yeah I'm coming down scientists have calculated the odds of you being born that's right it crunched the numbers I see you up there they've crunched the numbers on you yeah I know you guys standing up you want to sit down for this they've crunched the numbers on you being born and they took into account all of the warriors and the natural
disasters and %HESITATION dinosaurs and everything else and do you realize that the odds the odds of you narrator put your computer stand up for me Doug so the odds of dying here turnaround say hi to everybody the odds yeah I'm Doug Doug being bored at the moment in time he was born to the parents you were born to with the DNA structure that you have a
hundred or no one in four hundred trillion is amazing yes you're not fineness you have life changing ideas for a reason and it's not to torture yourself thank you thank you Doug ile Christie was right when she said all of you could be on stage because all of you or all in this category one and four hundred trillion all day long you have ideas that could
change your life that could change the world that could change the way that you feel what do you do with them I think Claire won't moon you you can pay for that %HESITATION and I want you to just think for a minute because we all have I love to use the analogy the inner snooze button you have these amazing ideas a bubble up right you've been
watching people all day and I guarantee you like you know ping pong balls mumble mumble mumble one got ideal wish lists that read it leak and every time you have an idea what do you hope it's as what's the first decision you made this morning I bet it was to go back to bed yeah recision today somehow one in four hundred truly like to sleep and
again it's your bed is comfortable cozy it's warm if you're lucky you've got you know like somebody you love next year or in my case I got my husband and my two kids and possibly the dog %HESITATION and the reason why I'm bringing up this first decision that you made today and the inner snooze alarm is because in any area of your life that you want
to change any there's one fact that you need to know this one you're never gonna feel like it ever no one's coming motivation is it happening you're ever gonna feel like it scientists call activation energy that's what they call the force required to get you to change from what you're doing on auto pilot to do something new so try this test tomorrow you think you're so
fancy I know you're attending Ted Friday's tomorrow morning set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier and then when it goes off take those sheets throwing off and stand up and start your day no snooze no delay no I'll just wait here for five seconds smells not standing here do it and the reason why I want you to do it is because you will come face to
face with the physical and I mean physical force that's required to change your behavior do you think that somebody who needs to lose weight ever feels like going on a diet you think they ever feel like eating boiled chicken in peace instead of across all outbreaks of the activation energy required to get your ass away from your computer and out your front door to go on
the walk you said that you were going to go on is the exact same amount of force that it takes you to push yourself out of a warm bed and into a cold room what's interesting about being an adult is that when you become eighteen nobody tells you that it's now going to be your job to pare it yourself and by pairing yourself I mean it's
your job to make yourself do the crap you don't want to do so you can be everything that you're supposed to be and you're so damn busy waiting to feel like it you're never going to my son never feels like getting off is due yes that's my job get off the damn the yeah I know cleanness if you're gonna have a new party in my bathroom
at least Gleann yeah I'm sure close rather borrow for crying out loud right dinner's coming get out of the pantry as parents and your kid your parents make you do the things you don't feel like doing because you won't ever not now not then and even when you get good at something you'll figure out something else you don't want to do and the new plateau out
you get bored I hate this done who's boring but we look for how you'll just bitch about that one it's very very simple to get what you want it's not easy you have to force yourself and I mean force and the reason why I use the word force when ros's appear in talking about the %HESITATION a motion tracking and showed the picture of the two sides
of the brain I look at the brain the exact same way only I describe one side of your brain is auto pilot and the other side as emergency brake that's the only two three juga auto pilot emergency brake and guess which one your brain likes better autopilot you had the experience we've driven to work right you get there like coming out I don't remember driving here
you are drunk that was your brain on auto pilot it was functioning just at this level and the problem with your mind is that anytime you do anything that's different from your normal routine guess what you bring us there is a break and it has that reaction for everything you walk into the kitchen and you see everybody's up the breakfast dishes for you and you think
for the hundredth time I'm gonna kill them if I can believe that here and I would make them do it but that's not your normal routine is you're trying to break and you know right in auto pilot on the slow it behest and then I have sex so many so when I say for worse anything that's a break from your routine is gonna require force and
if you think about your life it's kind of funny because we in our our kids and then we become adults we spend so much time trying to push her life into some sort of stable routine and they are bored of it you wake up at what the same time every day have largely the same breakfast you drive to work the same way you show up at
work you look busy year you boy making calls you update Facebook you attend the meeting and do a little time to go back and update Facebook you make plans for the evening to look busy some more they drive home the same way it largely the same dinner or you know variety of it you watch the same kind of media and they are bad news I think
all over again no wonder you're bored out your mind it's the routine that's killing you I have this theory about why people get stuck in life so most of you probably taking your basic psych one oh one class and you bump into and arouse laws a higher key of needs well your body is kind of cool because you have these basic needs and your body is
wired to send you signals if you are hungry err I mean if you need food what do you feel if you need water what do you feel if you need sex what do you feel thank you I think when you feel stock or dissatisfied in your life it's a signal and it's not a signal that your life is broken it's a signal that one of your
most basic needs are not being met your need for exploration everything about your life about your body grows your cells regenerate your hair your nails everything grows for your entire life and your soul needs exploration and growth and the only way you'll get it is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable forcing yourself to get outside out of your head thank you if you're in your head
you're behind enemy lines that is not god talking okay it's not in fact if I put a speaker on it and we broadcast what you say to yourself we would institutionalize you you would not hang out with people that talk to you the way you talk to yourself so Daddy your head your feelings your feelings are swirling you I don't care how you feel I care
about what you want and if you listen to how you feel when it comes to what you want you will not get it because you will never feel like it and if you need to get outside your comfort zone it's about taking risks it's about getting out side your comfort zone those first three seconds when you push yourself out of bed they blow but once you're
up it's great those first three seconds when you're sitting here in a studio or stadium like this and somebody says get up and come dancing you think I should do that they're like little that experience you had where you had the impulse to do it and then you didn't do the activation energy required to force yourself your emergency brake couple I'm sitting right here I'm not
going up this crazy people I like to dance and I am he meaning right what happened for me is I came up and I bumped into Rachel and then %HESITATION we started talking annexing dog she's bleeding and our friends and poem get outside that's where the magic is that's where the one and four hundred trillion exists so everything I do Ole Ole okay this is the
last part sorry so one more thing that you can use I caught the five second rule your mind can process a facial expression in thirty three milliseconds it can move pretty damn quick the other thing that it does very quickly is if you have one of those little impulses they're pulling you if you don't marry it with an action within five seconds you pull the emergency
brake and kill the idea killing if you have the impulse to get up and come dance while the band is playing if you don't stand up in five seconds your pull the emergency brake if you have an impulse about you were inspired by somebody speech today and you don't do something within five seconds write a note send yourself a text anything physical to marry it with