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TEDx Talks
Published: 2015-06-17
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4cV8yfgNyI
our world is a shared experience fracture by individual person yours and my imagine we can all understand each when I first started my career in magic I was doing a lot of performing in restaurants table to table card tricks coin tricks sleight of hand and it who you gotta get safer this and at this one night I was on fire I remembered that I was fasting
funny memos were perfect I was unstoppable and I sauntered up to this one this one table an elderly man his wife and I said folks would like to see some magic and the man looked at me and he said Sir I would love to see some magic but I can't unfortunately I'm blind and I looked at him really looked at him for the first time and
it was so clear he was blind he its eyes were glazed wasn't really looking at me that anybody would know he was blind I I was so wrapped up in my evening so lost in my world I was looking at him I just saw two generic people and I launched into my show and I stood there embarrassed that word was ringing in my ears line one
night I had no choice this and I'm sorry I didn't know I don't have anything I can do for you but if you come back again sometime I promise I'll have some sort of magic I can share with you he said I'll hold you to that and I want I want my night a few weeks later they came back and I recognize them immediately and I
I had we we forgotten about it I raced back to the room where I kept my pops and I I was thinking about every trick I never learned every book I've ever read something anything I can do for this man and I I remember something obscure and secure idea from here in a long time ago an old manuscripts I had so I compose myself I walked
back out I said Hey folks my name is Brian would you like to see some magic any cut me off because alright we're back what do you got for me big smile on his face so as his wife miss it now that ad said you trust your wife so will you trust your red card he's getting all of them right read read fat Astor black black
read through the whole deck black black read every single one of them might be and it is like I think he's howling the whole restaurant is staring at us and I turned in his wife white we tears of joy it was the most beautiful magic I had ever experienced and a little bit later I'm going to tell you how we get it but the real secret
of the track the real secret of magic is understanding and taking on different perspective different points of view so it's trying experiment perspective would you like to see some magic alright let's try a little experiment here this is the one of the oldest illusions in magic or go check that out for me that's that's please area that that that's rope right there you can check that
out and I've got some more over here we go one for you yes are going for you make sure that's what it seems to be is that what it seems to me are you what you seem to be I don't know what that means it's good I think that have that you would have to view this idea area that that yes thank you one two three
pieces of rope reviews the rope in there all the same length yes gonna be a tough Craddick I guess I guess you have to believe me I'll take the ends and I hold them up now they look like in the same way the ends do not I did say was a great illusion it's gonna be a tough crowd I think here we go prove it to
you here yeah that's the that's all thank you that's the big one right there that's the a medium one right there and that's the small one right there there's too many things going on so get rid of one of the pieces of rope it'll be easier to follow with only two one in Russia to start over for that a little bit seven yeah sometimes the ends
come up which is a little unusual give you that but I do that again just in case you missed it there are there are people who think that this trick is all about the ends that's not true the medals does come up to place the middles right here back on the road we're back in business but you guys know district wasn't done with one piece of
rope it wasn't even them with was actually done with two of us watch Sesame that's that's that's the big one right there that's the and medium one right there that's a small one right there can you guys tell which ones which were beginning can you tell see this one right here this is the big one see that's the big one that's the medium one and that's
a small one a little allusion to get things well thank you very much now so what just happened there well it seems that you and I had a very different experience doesn't it what I see I saw them moves sleight of hand the juggling you probably saw the ends of a rope jumping on and off three different changing like them possibly violating all the laws of
physics but that's just what we saw what we feel well you may have felt %HESITATION hopefully wondered maybe amusement perhaps frustration I felt focus these are two very different perspectives of the same experience you see magicians have a unique dilemma the magician is the only person who cannot see the matter because I know how the trick and that knowledge of the secret is a limiting prospective
so the magician must wholly and completely take on the point of view of the audience we do this night after night no matter who's out there in order to create illusion this is a technique called perspective taking perspective taking is the ability to see the world from the point of view of another person sounds simple in theory but in practice it can be incredibly difficult to
do for instance we got put out one of these before ha if you you look excited most of you look angry just because I'm holding one however I feel flashbacks the child is abused are twitching when I took one out I love the Rubik's cube they're actually easier to solve than you think they are I take the stickers off rearranging put back in the right or
yes break the police department back to heaven public I actually learned how to do this and then I realize if you spend it really fast it looks like it solves itself thank you now so what just happened there though that you that kind of a delayed response the raiders so what just happened there well I know that if I come out mix of ruby few tossed
in the air and comes down solved you're all going to think I'm a jerk or at the very least the show off and I don't want to feel like that I want you to enjoy the experience of magic so I make a few jokes sick is offering to break the bees are why do that you all I did that my friends we smash it with a
hammer we threw that away all week when it when that happens you feel like I understand you and when you feel understood we make a connection and then I can do the trick and we can all enjoy the magic in that shared space so now you know what perspective taking is it's the ability to see the world from the point of view of another person and
you know why magicians do it to create illusions and connect with the audience but why should you care well it turns out this technique has drastically improved my life offstage outside of magic in more ways than I could ever imagine when I never had trouble meeting new people making friends getting into relationships but I always struggle to maintain them eventually the communication would break down people
would leave and I would be alone and it took a long time to admit it but it was my fault or at least mostly my fault the people in my life didn't feel like I was invested in them now that wasn't true but it doesn't matter it's not enough care about somebody it's not enough to understand them they have to feel understood they have to feel
cared about and I wasn't doing that and then I took this technique I'd honed on stage nicer using an outside of magic I realize I can make better more meaningful connections with people I met friends incredible friends that have lasted years I I met a beautiful fiercely intelligent woman the love of my life and I held on to that relationship we're actually engage to be married
I think if she'll be happy to hear that none of that would have been possible before so of course the question then becomes how how do you do how do you do perspective taking well first you need to understand the difference between you %HESITATION visual perspective an emotional person magicians traditionally do with visual prospective we need to know literally what Patrick looks like to the audience
so we practiced for mirrors we film ourselves and watch it back but relationships are primarily about emotional how is somebody feeling about our interaction it seemed like a difficult thing to do to get to know some of the emotional perspective but let's get back to at at his wife the relevant question for ad was what would magic feel like to someone who is blind I didn't
wanted the field trip that was important to me I don't know but I have to imagine if you're blind you could be tricked by anybody at any time so I didn't want it to feel tricked I wanted him to feel magic I wanted him to beat magical on his wife this morning spends her life looking out for him I wanted her to see him in that
light and for them to share in that experience together so if you want to get to know some of the motion of perspective one of the simplest ways to do it ask ask questions too often we're afraid to ask people questions because we feel like it will be rude or somehow they won't want to answer but we under estimate people's willingness to answer our questions before
the trip I asked at have you always been blind he said yes to me that was crucial relevant information seems that a person who has never been able to see will have a different perspective from somebody who had their side and then lost it accident for developments with that I can't even use the language of sight so by asking questions I can adjust my tone my
demeanor even my language so that he feels understood and we can make a connection now if you're going to learn this it's important not simply to ask questions to listen to the answer and listen to understand don't just listen to respond or to reply you've heard it before this is where I went wrong most in my life I think you've heard it before and we're all
guilty of it from time to time but too often we listen to people all of the only with the intention of coming up with some clever to say so as soon as that what stop moving we can jump in and say our thing we've all done and we're all guilty of it but I do this especially badly and I think to the detriment of my relationships
I never ask for some of his name instantly forgotten what it was you know why we forget people's names because well they're telling us their name we're thinking about how we're gonna say ours first name last name Mr Miller Brian put your hand we're not listening we're on our end of the conversation only so you can start to learn this technique ask questions listen to understand
the answers when you do that I think you'll find you can make better more meaningful connections with personally and professionally it drastically improve my life and I really believe it can improve yours so at how did at a blind man the answer as in most great magic was actually very simple I sat across from him and underneath the table I placed my foot gently on top
of and then I gave him these instructions I said if you think the car is a red card and I pushed my foot down on his once then you say read if you think it's a black card and I put my foot down on his wife then you say black I was teaching at a secret system of communication were I would let him know what color
the card was by the foot taps once for red lights for black and I repeated the instructions if you think it's a red card say read if you think the black heart say black and then I squeezed his hand gently and I asked do you understand and he smiled anything yes I understand and I knew then that we when it was all said and done I
thought his wife how we did it like I just thought you so they can go do it for their friends and family and and was so excited he couldn't wait to see his grandkids that we can so we can quote freak them out completely see magic isn't about the technical skill magic isn't about a trick or even the secret magic is about connecting life is about
