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Channel / Source:
TEDx Talks
Published: 2014-04-03
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMeEKBaiPbg
here's the deal life is really all about love I'm not just saying that because I'm a father of a newborn baby I'm saying that because as a teacher and as a therapist I've seen people basically choose between two things love or something else and what I've witnessed and experienced is this when people choose love they always choose right I was asked to speak today on the
topic of illumination and it made me think about the way the light inside us all can shine my favorite ways through our love which can illuminate in our relationships the most important relationship that will ever have is the relationship that we have with ourselves and next comes the relationships that we share with one another as simply as I can put it we are here on this
very earth to love and to be loved and love is light in a second what I'd like to do with you today is a brief relaxing guided imagery exercise we're gonna have you close your eyes and consider three expressions of light Beckham return us to love I'm gonna have you close your eyes and consider three items and then associate each item with the person in your
life so let's get ready that say put your feet flat on the floor palms facing up in your lap and when you're ready gently allow your upper eyelids to meet your lower eyelashes close your eyes and let's everyone to get deep breath relax your shoulders the first item I'd like you to picture is the son picture the sun in the big blue sky feel the warmth
of her raise and consider how the sun continues to show up every day sharing its light and energy unconditionally even on a cold February morning is there somebody in your life that reminds you of the sun somebody that loves you unconditionally picture that person now and feel their love the next item I'd like you to picture is a lighthouse see the light emanating from the top
of the structure at the ocean's edge where the sea meets the land and remember its primary purpose to help guide sailors and boaters home is there somebody in your life that helps guide you home to your authentic self to the truth of who you are to the person that you're meant to be to the path that you're meant to be on picture that person now I
consider the direction that they're encouraging you to head in the last item I'd like you to picture is a disco ball see the light bouncing off of it think of the energy in the room where you might find this unique object maybe you hear your favorite song playing is there somebody in your life that reminds you of a disco ball so many that shows up with
a fun loving energy wherever they are where they go picture that person now and consider how they're encouraging you to live and love gently float open your eyes today I'd like to share a story with you about a student of mine his name was Daniel I met Daniel the very first year I was a classroom teacher I know experience as a theology teacher in an all
boys prep school and somehow this little guy this hundred three pound wrestler he became more of a teacher to me than a student because he showed me and everybody in the school building how to shine their love and their life by being an example of how it's done you see the same year that I met this little guy was the same year that I was cut
from the NFL felt like a little bit of my life had been taken from me when the Baltimore Ravens told me I could no longer be their quarterback I trained with them all summer I felt like a kid in Disney I was playing and competing with some of my childhood heroes and stadiums that I had only visited as a fan playing in the NFL was incredible
spirits but at the end of the summer a week before our first game on the last day of cuts I was released and I had to return home to New Jersey to figure out a new career I graduated from Georgetown University with a degree in psychology so I guess I could teach that but I was hired at an all boys prep school to coach football and
teach theology it's kind of like a life course for the incoming freshmen gave me the opportunity to teach the guys the importance of being time caring and thoughtful it really healed my broken heart I love teaching as much as I love playing football and that's when I met Daniel he came into my classroom like a little disco ball he had an energy and a light about
him that everybody wanted to be around Daniel connected with everybody in the school I still love watching him walk the hallways his smile was reflected back home in every corner athletes band guys cool guy smart guys teachers and coaches all felt the love of this pint size one a three pound wrestler people love Daniel because he was free he was free to be himself and most
of us know how difficult that can be I remember when Daniel found out I was my birthday during his freshman year he took it upon himself to create a homemade birthday card from me even taped a starburst candy and a pack of Wrigley's come to the inside he presented it to me in front of the class Daniel was redefining cool and he made a cool to
be thoughtful caring and kind and his classmates love them for it was due out and it was in this way that that our brotherly bond began it was during his sophomore year bad Daniel started a campaign for me to date his older cousin Leah so that we can officially be family even broader to a wrestling match one weekend I was only there with about one other
person and Daniel had about fifteen relatives cheering them on that night it was a beautiful night and then Dana came to school the following Monday and he was mad he said Mister ward you brought your girlfriend to my wrestling match when I brought my cousin to introduce you I said whoa Daniel hold on a second that girl happens to be my younger sister and second of
all I know you're trying to play matchmaker that night filling a real compliment my teachings my message of love and be loved was really making an impact for years I've been practicing shouting commands for the NFL football field but I have been practicing another message all along I was never the type of football player that was overly aggressive or tough I never yelled at my teammates
and I never yell at my students in the classroom some people say this may make people walk all over you but I believe otherwise an older teacher once told me when I first began teaching but I shouldn't smile in the classroom until after a few months have gone by I guess the theory is that the students would think I was tough but I love to smile
and I have a different theory I believe but the toughest guy in the room is not the football guy is the loving guy it's the most manly thing that could ever be accomplished it's not that difficult to do but it requires great thought encourage I loved football because I thought it was one of the finest team sports number on the field plane together relating as teammates
offending each other protecting each other doing all dance in the end zone to celebrate the points we score football was really bad relationships and so is love love is a team sport team that we're all a part of and on this team Daniel's an all star but then I'll never have the glory of an end zone dance or even a dance at his junior prom that's
because his late extinguished way too early one night Doreen Daniels junior year in February he was rolling up the match with his wrestling buddies and he collapsed in pain Daniel suffered an aortic aneurysm and he died early the next morning in the hospital it was tragic the date was February seventh two thousand and two exactly twelve years ago today I don't think it's any coincidence that
I'm here today with the opportunity share Daniel story with you Daniel is my lighthouse when the water is dark and dangerous the lighthouse can provide a warm and inviting like almost as if to say this way home Daniel brought me home literally by bringing me to his home the night after he died I visit his family along with a number of other teachers from our school
we're all greeted by Daniel's cousin Leah who thanked us for being there during such a devastating time I introduce myself as Daniel's theology teacher and she replied well you're the one that Daniel wanted me to marry it was kind of like a light went on I ended up sitting with Leah and her mom sharing stories of Daniel in and looking at pictures it was a really
difficult time for his bowl but it's hard for me not to notice bad Leah had the same passion and energy for life that I saw on Daniel I wish she could have seen us meet riding home that night I quietly recalled my last moment with Daniel he was visiting my class and like many times before Daniel just stroll right and and because I was sitting behind
the desk he came over to me and we're about the same height and our shoulders bump into each other as we talked I introduced him to the class is one of three pound wrestler who has was having a great season and the younger guys just kinda looked at him in awe I mean here was this guy smaller than most of them but he carried so much
weight in loving energy and on his way out of the classroom that morning Daniel turned over shoulder and it's cool little way and said see around Mister ward Daniel died early the next morning couple weeks later I thought I saw Daniel at school a student was sitting with her back to me and it looked like Daniel and for a moment I believed that it was him
but soon the students stood in it obviously wasn't Daniel but to me the message was clear the same love and light that I witnessed and experienced in Daniel could be found in everyone and everything and so I began to look for Daniel to look for love in everyone and everything and at the crucial point in my life even in my self Daniel was right when he
said see around because the same love in him is within us all just as I tell my students back at school there's so much goodness in you and you were all each and everyone of you worthy of love and belonging just as you are imperfectly perfect and once you begin to open yourself to love you will learn to see it everywhere creating a piece a freedom
and the truth that will shift your overall entire experience think about it by stand right here and I shift just a little bit my view changes entirely the same is true for love if we can begin to make an effort to love and to be loved without any conditions will bring a whole new level of meaning to our relationships and to our experience I'm gonna ask
you to close your eyes one more time picture the sun author Anthony de Mello rights has the sun ever said to the earth you owe me look what happens to a love like that it lights up the whole sky is there somebody in your life that could use a little unconditional love picture that person now remember the lighthouse remember its primary purpose to help guide sailors
and boaters home is there somebody in your life they can use a little guidance a little direction picture that person now and lastly picture the disco ball Daniel was free to be himself because he loves himself unconditionally we can all reflect a little bit a love back home so that we can dance like nobody's watching is there something in your life that you've been waiting to
do gently floor open your eyes and smile twelve years ago after Daniel died I decided to ask his cousin Lee out for dinner in his honor we had so much to talk about and I'm happy to tell you that four years after that I asked Leo to marry me she continues to light up my life every day Leah is my sunshine and now we have two
sons Karl this is almost three and his name is John Daniel we affectionately call Jay day and he's our little disco ball we also have another son who's just twelve weeks old now his name is Casey Christian and he's our little light house when people ask Leah if the boys will play football manifold someday like their Daddy did she says maybe but are only wish for
