ad-free
Channel / Source:
TEDx Talks
Title: How to become more confident -- lay down on the street for 30sec | Till H. Groß | TEDxDonauinsel
Published: 2014-10-06
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtDkg3Xwn7U
nor distorted three questions for you and the first question is who of you know this feeling your heart starts to raise your knees are getting weak you get this week fingerstyle make your head start to sweat who have you know the threat you had to say yep really out okay perfect second question have you ever been in a situation where you want to do something I
know like walk up to a beautiful girl been huge class raise you had asked the question contradicted authority whatsoever but then you got this feeling of nervous anxiety and because of this feeling you didn't do what you actually wanted to do and expand this race had to say yep really out alright perfect Celeste question have you ever experienced this in this situation wanted with something then
the door anxious care whatsoever but still did it and explains one of two things either it wasn't as scary as you thought or you did it over and over again and at one point you're not nervous at all anymore as it's me in this race and say yep without alright proceed because this exactly process I will be talking about a most mercifully mojo talk will revolve
around the question on how to become a confident and most recently how to overcome source anxieties how to stop caring what other people might think about you and basically how we can do in your own life would you want to do and not to hold back a few and %HESITATION even those beginning of my talk our defense issue and that's it all this question is to
let out on the street for thirty seconds yeah so obviously there's a lot more to it and over the next few minutes I will tell you the story how xxxi arrived at the conclusion and to some biggest and a small one story so involves my own insecurities animal therapy in coaching happen as a content at the end and of course laying down a three for thirty
six so this story based it begins as far back as I can remember and I was always kind of like confident out going you know I was playing bass with professional back in high school so I multiplied remotest sixteen so every week and go to clubs and parties and so on all my friends also professional bass will players so in high school I was hanging out
with the cool kids and others would definitely also described yes confident outgoing but how found inside was often three different so they were like a handful situations well would get really nervous or even insecure and especially on people who are cooler than me smart of the more sex it was successful and so on I'll get shy and insecure and this was because that's a huge fear
of rejection fear of not being cool all be exposed as we and this gonna feel led to two types of behavior on the one at avoidance so often avoided situation where my two uncles for example if it would be invited to a big party and I didn't know anybody I wouldn't call it because they might publicity ation well instead of us therefore committed and to talk
to nobody and people will look at me think a this guy's uncool nobody talks in or would I would I would I would do is drag my friends along Saul had that somebody to talk to the whole event the second kind of behavior was I was looking for approval so if there was a cool guy round often try to behave in a way that he appreciated
so you were proven itself is cool as well what this meant was that often would engage in behaviors I myself didn't think were good alright but you know the high school that he knew his soul confronting the thing would also involve admitting it so I didn't go to cut like dragged along this whole thing right %HESITATION after high school I quit playing bass will because a
broken arm the complaining more and then I start to get a second third been coaching because it was kind of interest in it and while I was playing bass will learn if you would become really good at something what you did to try to learn from the best so I played this lesson that a lot of bass will to psychotherapy coaching so one three whole Europe
and try to learn from the best secretary prison coaches so I was going to events I was going to conferences walk out to like the most important guy sake a sense ahead one I'm still I would like to learn from you what this meant was how literally confined of my few projects and all the time and back then I would think it hate if there would
be a good point of time to get all this your rejection will be right now ironically or fortunately basically exactly this time I heard about comforts on challenges for the first time back then I read it in Tim foes for work week and he describes the technique to go you know overcome certain limitations and to progress faster business and to me it's sort of interesting and
for those of you who don't know what Cumberland challenges are come for lunch on the challenges were you consciously put yourself in a situation that makes you nervous so insecure for example if your privilege action one of the challenge you can do is you go out and try to get rejected ten times as fast as possible if you freedom embarrassment you go all the folks on
the stretch your arms as high as you can a walk through a crowded street some bounces have been public the idea behind it is you do it over and over again at one point you stop caring what other people think to me it sounded pretty cool why because this would mean I could give him a few of addiction quite easily right so I look deep into
psychology and psychotherapy what they have to say on this topic most Pacific lead evidence based psychotherapy so cognitive behavior therapy and then a solution for this since the nineteen fifties and this looks most gold exposure therapy why exposure therapy because similar comfort on challenges you go out to expose yourself to the thing that scares you and also explanation why this whole thing works okay so I
can really over simplified way you have autonomic nervous system that fires a few response the autonomic nervous system is this part of you know the system that you can't control consciously and there's a spotlight for sweating heart rate and so on and the few response and at one point or the other in your life you encounter situation and the autonomic system atomic nervous system for whatever
reason learnt to respond to the situation with fear and from that on every time you encounter the situation again you autonomic nervous system was send this few response even though you consciously understand the situation the dangers of scary so I had to get over it what you need to do is the following you put yourself in a situation you get anxious scared whatsoever and you stay
in there seeing Zaidi step a step decreases in the autonomic nervous system learns hate the situation is actually not scary so there's the proselytism a confident and for me I want hate that sounds pretty good so I decided to start doing comprado tennis and I have very very vivid memories of my first confidence haven't and with the Thursday when I committed myself to start doing that
to convert themselves I was more things you know when you commit to do something what you say almost out to more so what there's there's that okay was talk tomorrow same day Thursday afternoon I was going home from university what if much rain around five o'clock rush or people everywhere so we're standing there waiting for the train I was thinking well I'm gonna lay down on
the floor for thirty seconds tomorrow that's a pretty scary thing and when the train arrived I was thinking Hey why shouldn't do today and the moment I just started pondering with the idea tomb two things happen on the one hand we've my heart start to raise my hands were getting sweaty was kind of hard to swallow this on the one hand on the head boom boom
boom all this really really good excuses popped up like your friends waiting at home the floors dirty what what the people think and so on and so on so a standing there you know conflict torn between on the one that I wanted to do it on the other end excuses and the fear so what it says that you know much rain with us a fucking would
you tomorrow so what was a train and then a commemorative with the first that had this epiphany this aha moment so I understood something on the good people heard his concert before but no really understood it because the sphere will always be there and those really good excuses will always be there so if I allow this sort of rationalizations and this fear to hold me back
now I will never do it you know so put down my bag turn around lay down almost all of you guys always terrified so I laid down my heart was racing and then I noticed three things the first thing was of course I got a lot of weird looks the walking past me give me we look ability one mile the kid the kid want to walk
to me because it was interesting the mob pulled away don't go next is strange to but I also noticed that all this we looks one other scary the thought the second thing they noticed was that a lot of people were really confused because I knew what I was doing but they didn't have a clue what was going on the floor and the third thing that I
noticed was the majority of the people didn't even care that didn't even look at me they live off so close to me that didn't even look at me I with every second I got more more relaxed I have like one or two minutes complete or X. almonds IT vanished I got to go up got my bag I still noticed all the people will look in the
got on the train one home looked over the window with a big smile on the face so that Juan first cupboards on terms ever and from then on I made a list of all must use a step by step taken almost years and someone away quite fast other took longer to overcome and so then I saw hold help me so to my friends about it so
they started a comparable Jones and all my friends on hold Europe to accomplish on China sending sending each other pictures and videos how would it companies agendas and then decide to hate and help me help my friends that's how most people so we put this on the commute to the conference on courses and that we give people challenges and to get the piece of advise her
to step of the company's own and step by step it grew bigger and bigger and bigger exactly this month we have hundreds of people from within twenty different nations first of all the compass on tech of the fear and become a confident and he is just some examples people from all of the board doing the laying down times so this guy from Singapore this is the
guy from London this is Berlin this all this Vienna this is on the way this somewhere in Europe a little this again as well and this also applied to stand in so this whole thing from me you know confronted with my own fears of rejection is on step by step grew bigger and bigger to this international movement from all the things from all those helping others
to cross the comfort zone across a mocha birds on other three things and the first thing that I learned was if you consciously do converts all jealous over and over again you get in the habit off doing the uncomfortable thing and you know with most things in life is like this there's something you want to achieve and between you and the thing that a certain discomfort
you don't want a great body need to work out you would be smart need to study and to Cumberland judge do it over again I learnt on the wanted to ignore the excuses because no the most of the time you have good excuses not to do the thing right and the second thing is a learned to go through his discomfort so doing comparable Jones kind of
like bleeds into other areas the second thing they learned was that my relationship to fear completely changed so what do you look up to me said Hey Mister competent pressure system the fugitive cobra zone scores of human being of course a few cents on an obviously Cumberland Jones is not a magic pill so you will not always be really get over everything and some things will
take a long time to get over but what changed was that now it is even if I want to do something and twin mean the thing is for certain fear I was still do it so I'm so familiar with fear and nervousness right now it doesn't hold me back anymore and the third thing that I learned was competent Jones's came out of happiness I do not
think why Dick stretching the arms in the air running through it %HESITATION running through the %HESITATION like a hallway or laying down the full why does give you happiness and I think for two reasons on the one hand because love and happiness comes from comparing yourself to other people and if you start to cover the church you stop caring what other too much think about you
and you also stop comparing yourself and the other thing is love and happiness comes from compendia self to like a perfect self you know and Cumberland doesnt also because it's bleed into other areas start to develop and progress on a daily basis step by step get closer to the perfect version the pretty off at the end of the day concert dharma closely back it's a hate
I'm not perfect yet but today amid a step closer for this perfect version myself and this couldn't have like happiness and so don't go through things alert and obviously the whole talks a bit advocacy for going out into a conference on challenges but at the same time there's also like a bigger vision behind because what I noticed over a scene was that you know cover the
child to term popped up like sometime the twenty first century though the idea behind it is exposure therapy as research since the nineteen fifties so basically deficits huge knowledge a four point acknowledge and psychology not but most of us society does have access to it either because thirteen cultures too expensive all the social stigma prevent the people from next engaging it so you know you you
won't go there because your friends might think you're crazy whatever well ambition vision or mission is that we take this knowledge that there and from which a lot of people X. would benefit and we take this knowledge connect dress it up you and make it accessible to the people and also to like the internet and to spreading advisedly we can do it for really real little
money in the soul we can enable a lot of people text engage in it and benefit from it and don't live but there's only like to give you like a glimpse of the whole big thing behind it I know of course %HESITATION I want to because you step more off not of your convertible at the beginning of the talk as a kid who of you know
this feeling nervous anxiety you always to have you all said yep so who's feelings ID something that connect us all it kind of makes us human and for me it is a very comforting thought and very comforting idea so what it tells you to at this is event talked a few more people will walk up to five speak ass in question and those people home was