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TEDx Talks
Published: 2017-08-25
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNpSg8XSVf8
good evening it's an honor to be here with you tonight's if you're going to hear me use two words quite a lot that is a victim and survivor I use the word victim puny in the context of the legal and criminal process otherwise I use the word to survivor this word in how is the victim and is often the turning point for recovery I was a
victim for a long time and it was only when I became a survivor that I was a bit so he'll probably let me tell you why I am a survivor I was born and raised in South Africa when I was fifteen years old I emigrated to Australia with my family I was terrified about the news but life in Australia was the most freeing positive experience I
stasis university straight off to high school and began studying forensic medicine it would take fifteen years the workload in the first semester was overwhelming and I began to doubt my abilities study for so long so when a friend's propose differing university and joining to her to live in Paris I jumped at the chance in February of nineteen ninety eight my Paris adventure began I was nineteen
years old I knew very little about Franz and even less about the language but this doesn't bother me I knew Francoise's pots of my destiny I quickly picked up the language and the artist in me blossoms that was the end of forensic medicine and I began to prepare my portfolios into the fine arts school in Paris life in Paris was exhilarating a true coming of age
story it also has its challenges and being a self funding student meant that I had to work part time I worked in a bar called the fifth it was a wonderful meeting place with people came together to talk about everything in life we were like family little did we know how things would so abruptly change on the eighteenth of July nineteen ninety nine it was three
a and I had just close up the file with my colleagues it had been a double shift and I was exhausted I turned down the offer to go for a drink and headed for a taxi instead I had less than a hundred meters to walk down a street that I knew so well I didn't make it to the taxi that night's a man intercepted my costs
what followed was an hour most brutal violence strangulation the taste of data and write I fought so hard to get away from my attacker but the more I thought the more he beats me until eventually he was able to get me to the ground and strangle me with his bare hands I lost consciousness I thought it was the end of my life the universe had other
plans for me and a few moments I came to being dragged by my hair up some stairs I immediately began my struggle to get away I didn't want to die in Paris my article was prepared he had a gun a knife and a can of mace he threatened to shoot me here's the knife to cut me and the mesa served as a tool to make his
punch small preschool the attack just kept getting more and more violence and so the fist punch to my eye caused a loud popping sound in my head and I realized that if I continued to fight physically I was going to die something switched I remember the story from my last year of high school the story of survival and techniques of how to escape a dangerous situation
I began conversing with my Ataka I told him that I was terminally ill and that I'd be dead by the end of the year he didn't believe me at first and keep me even harder I kept talking I shared personal details of my life with this man I clung to the story as if it was truth it doesn't stop him from hurting me well rating me
but it did humanize me and I believe with every cell in my body it's what saved my life that night's as I lay on the streets of Paris naked and beaten trying to locate my torn clothing I sense the severity of my injuries and knew I would have to go to hospital if I went to a hospital I have to report the attack I have heard
horror stories about how rape was handled in Paris that on nights I made the decision with myself to face the difficult journey of being a rake saliva I waited for five hours in each %HESITATION before a doctor came to see me to make it was he looks identical to my Ataka now in any of the situation this is not an issue but for rape survivor it's
catastrophic it is commonly referred to being raped a second or third time by the system good trauma response is critical for a victim's survival and is often with the system fails them my dreams of becoming an artist in Paris was shattered I stayed on in France for a few more months to help the police with their investigation and to have medical follow up for all of
my injuries the police didn't catch the man and in two thousand I returned to live in Australia and attempted to restock my life I quickly went into denial and became so busy that I didn't have time to think about what happens to me I didn't allow myself to heal properly this all changed in June two thousand and nine three weeks before the ten year mark of
my rate the French police contacted me famous if I could get to Paris within forty eight hours to do in line up they believe they had called my Ataka he had really offended and there was a DNA match fortunately I was living in Switzerland and could get to Paris in time I Aidid my attacker immediately even after ten years I remember this man so clearly the
memories of that fateful night came flooding back into my world began to crumble I was plunged into the most dramatic period of my life in France the victim of crime has to declare themselves the civil posse in criminal proceedings this meant that I had to find and pay for a lawyer it cost me more than fourteen thousand dollars to put my Ataka in jail in November
two thousand and eleven two and a half years off to my attacker was apprehended he was sentenced to twelve years in jail but in June two thousand and thirteen he was released on parole he only served a quarter of his sentence the irony is that my battle with the French justice continued until October two thousand and fifteen not once did the system treats me with kindness
or compassion instead it made me feel like the guilty party over and over again my story of survival lasted sixteen yes most of my adult life I knew deep down there was a bigger purpose and one day I would use my story to make a difference in the world I began talking openly about my story three years ago the most powerful thing that has happened since
sharing my story is that I have given others the courage to do the same women men and children have opened up to me some having never told anyone before what I realized from the stories is that they are many shades of sexual violence not just rape and unlike my story most survivors noted there a fandom it is also clear that there's absolutely no stereotype when it
comes to sexual violence it doesn't matter what country you come from what age you might believe what police you have it doesn't matter if you're a woman a man or a child heterosexual homosexual asexual rich poor or in between sexual violence will cross pool of these boundaries one in four women will experience sexual violence in her lifetime one in six man that will be sexually abused
before the age of eighteen years old in the USA per person is sexually assaulted every ninety seconds not to give you an idea of the gravity of the city stakes let's look at cancer in the USA one in eight women will be affected by cancer in her lifetime that means she is twice as likely to be sexually violated then she is to get cancer one in
aids man that will be affected by prostate cancer that means that he is more likely to be sexually abused than he is to get prostate cancer these statistics just get scarier when we stop looking at children two hundred and fifty million children a sexually abused each year this makes sexual violence one of the largest epidemics of our time so why can't we talk about it why
that's a view why the shame I don't think it people say it's just a personal issue and not something to discuss openly or even worse it's just a woman's issue these assumptions are wrong they create an unsafe environment for survivors to speak out and they propagate what we call rave culture we currently live in a world that blames the victim promotes silence and has rules that
exclude certain gender groups it's not that bad she it's not that bad he it's about us we so desperately need and increase of global dialogue one year ago I began doing just that I could my job I sold all of my personal belongings to raise enough money to get started and I have dedicated the next four years of my life to being a voice for women
men and children affected by sexual violence sometimes the only way to solve a problem is to tackle it from a completely different angle sport unites us sport brings communities together to make a stand for something they believe in sports is also important for the healing process when you have survived something as traumatic as rape or sexual assaults it is essential to heal emotionally as well as
physically running became an integral part of my own healing and it got me through some of the darkest days of my life we can change the outcome of sexual violence if we change how we talk about it the trick is to make me uncomfortable comfortable that is why I am using adventure travel and sports to bring people together around the world and join me in this
peaceful dialogue I am running sixteen Columbus is of beach that is ten miles barefoot's in every coastal country of the world one hundred and eighty four countries and over three thousand kilometers of beach in support of survivors of sexual violence it is cold footsteps to inspire I have very rarely run and learn and I have noticed a common trained across most of the countries visited so
far people want to talk about sexual violence they just don't know how to through footsteps to inspire I am creating a safe place for conversation and understanding this global beachfront will take me four years to complete and I muse countries every seven to ten days I have already painted twenty six countries and tomorrow I run on beach number twenty seven here in St Thomas I had
no idea what to expect when I started out no one else has created this kind of movement before it hasn't been easy actually nothing about it is easy everyday I hear stories of Hara and sometimes stories of hope people often ask me why do I do this judge I want to put my story behind me and forget about what happens icons it's pothole who I am
now the woman I would have become before my rate he's not the woman I am today I don't see this as negative we get to choose how we met torment impact online I think we see it has a lifetime of suffering we move through that and it becomes something else it becomes something that makes us stronger it becomes something that we can use to help others
this is how I see it I have taken my tragedy and turned it into triumph inspiring hope in the hearts of many still suffering in silence I began which any one year ago on the eighteenth of July in South Africa my country alpha country number five company Guinea in the Pacific islands was a turning point for me rape and murder isn't everyday reality in this country
and stocks as young as six months two hundred people joined me for this round mostly locals I remember turning the corner and seeing this huge group of people and warnings to cry company Guineans want change they want to be able to speak about sexual violence they want to feel safe I left company Guinea feeling humbled and happy to know that I have made a small impact
me this insignificant rape survivor had made a difference I have to keep going each country is different each country teaches me something else I kind even imagine what I will hear and see by the time I am finished I've spoken to a lot about making a difference on a global level but the true essence of footsteps to inspire is to directly impacts local communities I invite
you Sharon sintomas to join me and to make a difference for yourself your family and your friends the reality is that many of you in this audience for any has the story of survival sadly there is nothing we can do and change that but what we can do together is make your community a safer space to speak out and to help each other here are three
things you can stop doing from tonight's I've given each one a hash tag so that you can spread the main stage and use it as a reminder I believe you this starts with you first if someone has intentionally violated you it's not okay you are allowed to believe everything you are feeling don't let anyone else tell you otherwise if someone reaches out to you for help
please believe them don't try and justify what happened all you need to say is I believe you it was not your fault I gain the stocks with you first if you have a story and your dowsing in South stop it was not your foals Nora form of sexual violence he's okay it is never the victims folds no one is ever asking for it sexual violence is
not about sex it's about the abuse of power it's about forcing someone to do something they have not consented to how can I help you hearing someone's experience of sexual violence is confronting dedicate a run a war was some form of sporting activity to raising awareness around this difficult issue of sexual violence we are not alone and together we can make our communities and our country's
