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TEDx Talks
Published: 2017-09-08
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ5l49O1C1I
%HESITATION when I was a little girl ice have to go to speech class it wasn't because I was an articulate or can pronounce my words I never wanted to talk to my peers I was that people would agree on the play house with the matinee friends well my mom says it wasn't always this way she says isa inquire about space and American laws and what I
can be when I grew up she said I was also really rebellious child I would always tell the teacher these dreaded words but why but you would give me a time out what you tell me to sit down and I would ask but why she said knows you know what's in this classroom and I say hope you buy one out in the midst of the anger
guns often turns to me and told me to stop or tell me I'm annoying or tell me to go away but it was never their reaction that sees me as a person what changed me what caused me to be a more timid child in the early years in my element she life was the fact that they rejected me offering doctor Glenn Costin so that the thing
that we fear more than death is objection he releases actions ostracism an animal world where animals excommunicated from his family or group facing a social that the animal is singled out and left alone to defend himself and he later the sooner or later bases a literal death as well so in an evolutionary sense the fear is reasonable and humans from the moment we're born crave social
interaction we want to find the comfort we thought to find stability and comfort in groups and family so imagine yourself as a baby if you were a baby you need someone to take care of you and cheat year ten to close Peter diaper BGO what happens if you've been rejected if you've been left alone left alone long enough you'll surely die and at the primal level
this fear is so great come because we merely ashamed of being embarrassed or just because we're scared that will be abandoned but no matter how hard you try virtually everyone in this world will be rejected at one point or another cook when I asked if you my friends what is your most shameful moment I ask if you my friends what are you embarrassed about I ask
him for a moment and all fifty of them could recall an experience out of those fifty forty nine of them said that they remember the position there and they remember the color of the room they remember the feeling that they had when they were shunned excluded rejection rejected that's a tough look back that when you recount these negative experiences you're relieving pain and in fact humans
relive social pain much more vividly than physical pain however judgment Anna clinical psychologist like Columbia University says that plus what the data doesn't determine future progress he says that it's only determinant if there's a negative response in other words whether you're aggrieved by a physical or emotional of that it features not dance but the processing the of that whether it's glass over are treated as a
dramatic event that's important the first time I was rejected from anything ever wasn't a social example like my previous example it was my citizenship parent low income my family was barred from a lot of things and on top of that I had to face a social worker for a child abuse case my own child abuse case when I was younger I didn't have the greatest relationship
with my parents I was scared of them when they went lock me away or push me away I was frightened and I felt rejected I thought that I could ignore this rejection that I would never confront me in life but it materialize I had to face in the real life slash when I have to talk to my social worker I had to face in the real
life slash when asked me real life questions like do you feel safe in this home I am I going to go to a foster home was my future looking like I was ejected rejected knock on only on of personal level but also on a national governments a level I wasn't I'm documents immigrant my family had applied for citizenship and was denied I fear that we would
be caught that we would be deported and sense away was so great that my father he set himself backs Indonesia and to this day %HESITATION where so separated by an ocean so I had no problems I had a documentation the question wasn't who is going to reject me the question wasn't one was I going to read get rejected the question was who was going to accept
me now but my biggest problem with this isn't that I took it all harshly it's because I think it also personally if someone had told me that in a couple of years I would receive deferred action in terms of immigration that I would be able to go to school legally and succeed if someone had told me that I will feel so it's sort of my parents
in a couple of years that we would be able to rebuild our relationship the my mama say I love you every time she just looked at school she does if someone had told me that I would not only move forward the find blessings in my future then maybe it would have been so scared of rejection and this is also in the past the thing that we
fear more than that you tackle it first you have to tackle your dissonance the back of what should I do it so I go for it should I not you have to do it because though inevitable rejection is number of personal when you are rejected most of time it's just because you don't fit the other person's needs whether it be a friend an employer is a
significant others rejection though inevitable never determines future progress if not you can look at your reductions in a way where you can find yourself out really expressing yourself in the moments of rejection you can find yourself and improve on from that point forward so maybe rejection isn't something that limits you at all maybe it makes you better there's a quote by CS Lewis he says if
you want to get warm he must go near fire if you want to be what you must get into the water if you want love joy power peace it's been a life you must get in so you you must get near our even into the thing that has them so in the end the thing that we fear more than death is nothing to fear at all
