ad-free
Channel / Source:
TEDx Talks
Published: 2012-01-13
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs
in my past life as a soccer coach %HESITATION when she won a national championship everybody wants to complete free really not true I'm want to pay them twenty five thousand dollars a year and scholarships everybody wants the compatriot and parents would always come to me and they'd say okay I my son my daughter wants to come play at your university what is it that we have
to do and you know what are you looking for and being the Socratic professor that I am a loan what does your son or daughter do what do they do really well that we'd be interested in and typically their answers are well they got great vision David they're really good they can see the entire field or my daughter is the fastest player there's nobody that can
deter or my sons got a great left Florida really really great in hearing it had every ball unlike the %HESITATION not bad but to be quite honest with you those are the last things I'm looking for the most important thing self confidence without that skill and I used the word skill intentionally with out that skill we are useless as a soccer player because when you lose
sight their belief in yourself we're done for I use the definition of self confidence to be the ability or the belief to believe in yourself to accomplish any task no matter the odds no matter the difficulty no matter the adversity the belief that you can accomplish it self confidence from using a great I don't have it on so shy how that went on there to get
on the phone and you start to drag all the way down here her but I use the word skill because I believe it can be trained and I'll show you a couple ways which we do hopefully I won't run out of time I don't use any slides because my speech always goes here here here so we'll see which way we get to the easiest way to
build self confidence there's no magic button I can't say this plane is going down who can fly put your hand up I can I'm confident repetition repetition repetition right what is Malcolm Gladwell call it out a ten thousand hour rule additional magic button I recruited a goalie from Columbia South America one year and I big tall six foot three man %HESITATION you know he had hands
like stone I thought he was like flipper every time I go on the bald down down on the ground I think all my god we're in trouble simple solution get to a wall kick a ball against the wall and catch it kick ball against a wall and catches his goal was three hundred fifty a day for eight months he came back his hands were calloused the
moisture on his hands were literally gone he's now playing in Europe magic no repetition repetition repetition the problem is we expected be self conflict but we can't be unless the skill or the cash we're doing is not novel is not new to us we want to be in a situation where we've created we've had so much pressure in that and what I mean because pressure builds
diamonds we want to be in a situation where he's done this a thousand times and in my speech by practicing for the mayor of the data the data Hey how sounding good and then I read the front of my kids and my and my wife Sekolah costal nervous they get from Glenn Gould only goodness I'm a little more nervous by time I get to be a
C. G. where twenty five hundred people can't see anymore right twenty five hundred people were twenty five hundred people are there I won't have a single ounce of nervousness because of my ability to practice right over and over and over again the problem with repetition is how many of us bail after the first debate a failure how many US bail after the first bit of adversity
Edison was on that video and depends who you ask is anywhere from one one thousand ten thousand tries to build that light bulb one thousand ten thousand JK Rowling should be on that video Yummy publisher she took her Harry potter book to I believe the number was twelve or thirteen I don't I'm pretty confident but after two or three know that he liked and it after
six or seven I might maybe not definitely after nine or ten I'd be looking to be a soccer coach or something else beside an author right I mean twelve times somebody said no but practice practice practice and do not accept failure maybe shouldn't be repetition maybe because we all repeat something but very few of us really will persist so that's one way to build self confidence
get out there do what you want to do and accept no do not accept no the other one is self talk we all have a self talk tape it plays in our head anybody go shopping and put on a pair pants this week if you're a woman the first thing that always comes damn I look fat and if your man is the opposite of a good
idea I mean all muscle I'm still flabby right we all have this tape that plays in our head as a student if they ask me the question of like lost sheep please but please professor don't pick me I don't know the answer I look down right if you're in the book when I let me tell you somethin and the VP of business administration I should repeat
this but when they heard Muzaffargarh I sat in the architect's meeting and I am as bold as dumb as a post when it comes to anything to do with numbers and angles and they're like they often they later valve of the %HESITATION architectural there there that wasn't at what do you think about doctor Joseph %HESITATION let me look into that for you in effect right I
was the north cock cock please don't ask me please don't ask me we all have this negative self talk goals in our head guess what there's enough people that are telling us we can't do it that we're not good enough why do we want to tell ourselves that we know for a fact that thoughts influence actions we thought there would be %HESITATION but the video Sheldon
ductility sold right we know that our thoughts influence actions why do we want to see that negative self talk to ourselves we need to get our own self affirmations Muhammad Ali what was his self affirmation I am the greatest who else is going to tell you they need to be quiet moments in your bedroom quiet moments when you're brushing your teeth that we need to reaffirm
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate that is my affirmation I came from a school of one thousand people I lived in a town of one thousand people for fifteen years there's no reason that I should be in charge of an athletic department build a maple leaf gardens but I am the captain of my ship in the master of my
fate if I don't say it if I don't believe it no one else will how do you build self confidence get away from the people who will tear you down there's enough for that Mohammed Ali I am the greatest there is no one better than me the difference between hubris in eagle false pride it's just reminding yourself in quiet silent moments I put down on the
list it's right beside my mirror right about all the things that make me who I am because I make enough mistakes and the newspapers will recognize it and people around me will recognize it and they'll tear me down and be free soon I'll begin to believe it there was a time when my confidence was really low there's a time when I took this job when I
came from Iowa I don't know if I could do it I had to bring out my self confidence letter a letter I wrote to myself when I was feeling good Ivan congratulations on getting your PhD before forty congrats I am forty under congratulations on winning a national championship good job on raising three good kids and marrying the right woman I wrote a letter to my self
it was my own brag sheet my own letter about the things I was proud of because there are moments and we'll all experience them in our career in our life and our job hunting in our relationships when we are not feeling good about who and what and where we are and I have to bring out that letter and meet it time and time again for Peter
the vote two weeks the weather me through that storm it was important stop the self talk that negative self talk if you watch you'll see some athletes to have a little bandage or little bomb Brett brand around them by lance Armstrong's a perfect one what's his self affirmation lives strong as an a brand it was to remind them of who he was lives strong then it
became a brand he would move that from one arm to the next time when dealt and fear came into his mind look strong put it on there let's go we all have it replace it two ways to build self confidence worried about my time going to tell you one way that you can build self confidence in others we are coaches arm educators we are teachers we
are people who will create value in the world and in doing that we are critical by the nature of what we do I'm a I'm a coach I want you score a goal bargain over hi gang at the bar when hi thank you coach I know that feedback tells me that so what do we do I need you to put your elbow over here and you
put your knee over the body to fall through boom led good eight notice I never made it as a professional what can we do we fix mistakes when I'm fixing that mistake Johnny this is terrible you need to bend your knees me to do this this what I done to Johnny self confidence Ben journey Dinesh do this next thing you know Johnny's crushed ignore what Johnnie
does wrong and find bobber Sally your freedom over here great goal Freda I love how you kept your knee low you followed through and you landed like this great job Johnny who creeks Johnny's not demoralized its confidence isn't shot and what I've done is I've built up fetus imagine how we could change the way we parented kids instead of get back glass off the counter what's
wrong with you if we catch them while they're good great job great job thank you Alice for taking your glass to the counter it's some simple but we forget about it or as educators or somebody as a team if we manage to praise the positive behavior that we wanted to reinforce we forget it sounds so simple catch them when they're good we forget it simple here's
what we did there was a study in Kansas that did this they did video we all do video and we showed the video of them doing the run the play on this goal happen because the basket wasn't protected we didn't rotate here right we need to do their cement cover the slot and if that's the baseline improvement of the Kansas state team went like this then
they said they ignored all of that and they just showed them the times they did it right at times they did it perfect that presented no goals spoke the same points improvement went like that change and revolutionized the way we as coaches interact with our student athletes we can apply that to the business world we can apply that to our student group works we can apply
that to our management teams easily catch them when they're good last and certainly not least my son is really good at this self confident people interpret feedback the way they choose to I asked my son who is by the fire terrible terrible actually gets it from his dad the games we went by my house the game all great I scored three goals that too with this
I'm like I could not see him touch the block but he has his own perception of how he did I love it right I'm that I'm that guy I'm like I remember when I was picking my there's like when I met my wife is in the Commons %HESITATION polya like %HESITATION would you like to go to the movies ladies delivering up and he goes this you
know the %HESITATION I'm no I ask you again because I think that she just had seen in the right light maybe that's not the wrong sure I'm right because I'm interpreting that the way I want to interpret it finally I ask you again Jackie give me just one comment writers %HESITATION she sent it to her friend that's what you did back then %HESITATION he would not
she wouldn't date you unless it was the last person on earth that hellish reason over there is a small chance we have to save the planet earth summit was like there's no chance I'm like you're saying there's a chance I hate because that's how I would interpret if I could give you one thing to take from this it is no one will believe in you unless
