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Channel / Source:
TEDx Talks
Published: 2016-06-14
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--mY5ruEhqI
so there's a five letter word that's used by the majority of the human race everyday many times a day actually for some of us yet this word has the power take kill this simple combination of letters kills creativity it kills individuality it kills performance and worst of all kills dreams and that word is worry nineteen eighty was the year when I had my first face to
face collision with worry this is me oh yeah I'm nine years old on there I am full of life and as you can see on this picture I'm also completely unaware of my slight fashion deficiency let's leave it at that are right look at those glasses however what you cannot see on this picture is that I am eaten alive by worry really what do I have
to worry about I'm nine years old for crying out loud I've got a roof over my head mortgage free I have food on the table I have my favorite color pens it my pencil case what more could a creative kid want right most importantly I have parents who absolutely I adore me yet for an entire week which I'm gonna tell you felt like months all my
energy all of it is spent avoiding at all costs one girl Stephanie of the bully why because she has decided that in order for me to prove my worth I tend to steal her a pack of cigarettes at the corner store really did you see that face earlier that space over here does this look like the face of a criminal to you no and no is
precisely what I want to say to Stephanie I want to say no to her but honestly I can't bear the thoughts of the consequences that mind no could and in my nine year old head would absolutely unleash so my solution I am order some more well do you know how exhausting it is to be an avoidance mode twenty four seven well I'm gonna tell you the
full time job that's what it is their shenanigans I did to avoid her Oscar winning performance is all I can say believe me you do not want to mess with this girl she is the biggest bully and she's also the leader of my inner circle of friends and I am petrified I don't want to be known as a what's and I certainly don't want to create
my own social suicide at nine years old oh my god I realize that my no me saying no to her could literally ruin my entire life remember I am nine years old Mrs dramatic here so the phone rings and they quickly say to my mom mom he's right there remember the deal right she put you set I am not here well she answers the phone to
my surprise I hear this want want want want want just a sex Stephanie Isabel happens to be right here white well yeah she leans in hands me the phone and says Isabel both sixty literal translation poor little girl actual meaning though in her tone of voice why why are you doing this to yourself and she went on and said in French of course but I will
spare you he said do not I repeat do not be afraid if your truth you can't say no to what you don't want Isabel you will never have the time and the energy for what you do want yeah thank you however however nice this one at the time I was livid livid I am leave it but yeah in that moment my life changes forever yes I
do muster the guts to say no to Stephanie the bully thank you very much and no my world doesn't implode it actually expands and as a result of that over the years I became completely obsessed with what causes worry versus of mind and I noticed a very interesting pattern a pattern that help me uncover the culprits that leads to most of what we worry about in
that robs us of our peace of mind and it goes like this what you tolerate you worry about what do you tolerate you worry about what I'm saying is what you are tolerating right now you are worrying about meaning if you say when you say yes and you really want to say no you know those moments where all you want to do is say no or
should say no is what you tolerate and what you tolerate will always sooner or later drive you to work now would it surprise you to know that ninety five percent of north Americans either go to bed or wake up worrying about something every single day week ladies and gentlemen are a bunch of professional worry Holik's in fact we worry so much nowadays that the phrase and
thinking about this has now culturally been replaced by I'm worrying about this yet forty percent of what we worry about will never happen it will never happen that my friends is like putting a forty percent down payment on a house you'll never own how ridiculous would that be right putting a forty percent down payment on a house you'll never see smell experience or phone yet when
it comes to worry we do it every day thirty percent of what we worry about this has already happened has anyone ever accidentally hit reply all on a massive rant email that was meant for Bob's eyes only need I say more twelve percent of what we worry about our needless worries about her health for example you get a headache for three days in a row and
boom you are worried about a brain tumor only if you have the brilliance of %HESITATION consulting with doctor Google now you go from having a brain tumor to having six months left to live right ten percent of what we worry about are pity miscellaneous worries like what to cook for dinner or what shoes to wear fertile talk for example now I don't know if you're calculating
this but that leaves eight percent for real legitimate worries eight percent which means that ninety two percent of what we're wearing about please nonsense and that nonsense by the way not only keeps us from being at our best Mona it keeps us from actually living so what if what if we took all this energy that we used to worry about this crazy ninety two percent and
what if we re purposed it what if we re purposed it something good something positive how about this tangible might well as a very proud recovering worry holic myself and a strong believer that we're all on a journey to increase what I call my our units of happiness right our peace of mind I created a simple formula to help me basically repurposed this crazy ninety two
percent and quickly snapped me out of the rabbit hole of worry that I find myself in on a regular basis and if I'm to be transparent with you today typically everyday including this very moment and I call this my hero formula H. is for harsh first you got a harsh the noise a harsh the chatter stares in the juror so that you can reconnect with what
you truly want what do you whole heartedly believe in what are your non negotiable what are you willing or not willing to do to get from here to there yes I want you to come for a visit new you cannot stay thirty days yes I will donate fifty dollars to your school fundraiser but no in no way shape or form will I bake two hundred fifty
cookies believe me you wouldn't want them yes I want to work with you but can not take ninety days to pay me I am not a bank because what you tolerate you worry about he is four evaluate evaluate what and who you are tolerating in your life are you tolerating a jam packed schedule every day how about high maintenance clients company of those slowly but surely
dimming your lights how many of you and this will require little honesty on your parts how many of you show of hands have one special Eversole special family member well if your hand is not up here's a hint if it might be so basically what and who causing you more gray hair than it's worth and what difficult conversation do you need to have because what you
tolerate you worry about our is for ritual lies ritualized the habits that have the potential to bring your best self right bring your best you to life Elisabeth Gilbert Arianna Huffington Richard Branson Michael Jordan what do they all have in common well apart of course from being game changers and trailblazers like we know them to be they all have a few simple daily rituals to be
and stay at their best not working past three o'clock in the afternoon for example when that be nice sleeping eight hours a night now there's a concept this girl here has no idea about because I'm about half way there on that one having been the inspiration time which I call me time just ask my partner how intolerable I am without my morning yoga now keep in
mind but not all rituals have a positive impact Ono that will be way to easy wasn't it how many of you have one of these bad boys and look at emails within one hour of waking up bad news for ya this little habit alone is proven to reduce our performance by twenty seven per don't think that's much add that to the crazy ninety two percent of
useless worry and you might just have yourself a recipe for disaster Sesil people know that their performance is a direct result of their daily habits and of their daily rituals they truly do know what they need to be and stay at their best so I'm curious what's your winning ritual is it an early morning walk before the kids get up is it a hot bath at
the end of every day to melt all that stress away good idea for me today or is it as simple as watching an inspirational pep talk before going to work what do you need to do on a regular basis to feel happy healthy and fulfilled instead of being worried and most importantly what the heck are you tolerating that is keeping you from doing it because what
you tolerate you worry about harsh evaluate ritualized and finally my absolute favorites own it's not enough to know it you gotta own it only what you stand for own your non negotiable only the fact that you are responsible for what you choose to worry about in that as of today right now you will no longer tolerate the things that people and the habits that are causing
you to worry peace of mind is a choice the choice that requires a lot of commitments alright you that it's also a choice that requires a whole lot of guts and courage why because it's not easy to say no to someone we love of course it's not but if we no it is not easy to go to the gym day in and day out after a
long hard days at work it's not but it's energizing and it is certainly not easy to treat ourselves as importantly as we treat everyone else but it is massively rewarding so the next time you worry about something first remember that you've got a ninety two percent chance that what you're wearing about is a total waste of time and energy seconds apply the hero formula hush evaluate
ritual lies in own and ask yourself what are my tolerating who am I putting up with and if all hell breaks loose and you can't remember the hero formula which probably will happen right here is my backup plan for you I want you to set yourself a date with worry ha set aside second seven big with it a friend of mine has a time slot on
Fridays reserved exclusively to worry and I actually think it's absolutely brilliant as she goes through the week right and as worry it hits her in the face left right and center here's what she says pause to be part of a ninety two percent probably I will schedule you in I will schedule you in and I will worry about you on Friday between ten and ten thirty
and as ridiculous as this might sound when Friday comes how many worries are left in her worries like you think most of the time none now I was nine years old when I embraced the hero in me thank you to my mother and recently thank you recently my mother had a nice little opportunity to reconnect with the hero in her we're sitting at the kitchen table
having is the most intense and passionate conversation as always in my family there is no other kind we are Quebecers after all when the phone rings as I go to pick up the phone I see my mother going to seven which I'm not here are you getting this is way too good to be true who do I have to pay for this because I feel like
we've been here before oh yes so yes Eileen in hand her the phone and say like it's pay back time mother both could see don't be afraid to speak your truth if you can't say no to what you don't want you will never have the time and the energy for what you do want don't you just love karma so my question for you is this if
