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TEDx Talks
Published: 2016-02-16
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2R0e70mpYQ
and guys I used to be a dragon but I think a much nicer now when I leave you to judge so we're gonna go on a bit of a journey on this just me and you in our collective brings today so I need to get your brains moving as much as mine is going to the first of All I Want to do something really easy or
hard wired to do it structure bring back to your early memories not too early us well if you can do your ideas to my earliest memory is making a daisy chain in the Phoenix park right grew up I know it was wearing his memory because my father came a collective me my sisters and he told us the new baby arrives in the house often our earliest
memories are the ones where we remember an event now stretch your brain if public regarding how to do it it's not dangerous obviously don't try unnecessary journeys or anything when it and okay now come back into the room a catapult your brain way off into the future when you were growing up on Shimon Joan Mary John what did you want to be what was your unfulfilled
potential was it that you wanted to have a PhD did you want to cross the finishing line of a marathon joins own your own business you're playing a rock band do you want to climb Everest okay diamonds are a current Sewell imagine months what's your unfulfilled potential keep it in your head keep your brain in the future a margin crossing the finish line just picking up
doctor Casey your PhD I assume imagine that moment because now you just on something quite extraordinary it's a hidden superpower it you possess it's quite amazing and it's the no secrecy and what to tell you today which brings us to be open to getting the seekers it's not a huge amounts of time travel with me it's not the happiest day of my life it's not even
to my ideas memory it's to the rest of my life I'm not going to embellish as all of you know me you know I'm not afraid to talk about grief you know those I made a documentary tough gig Thursday night nine thirty try to get people to tune in to look at me talking to geba brown and others about death and dying a privilege to talk
to people who faced their own demise I wrote a book on the subject of talks about it I've cried on national television but today I don't have to do those okay as you just gonna have to leave it off because there are some days that we only ever want to experience once but I've experienced that day time and time again so I'm not going to do
it today but suffice to say because it's so important what I want to tell you is that the worst in my life was the day my lovely beautiful vibrant husband Richard died a few years ago no we all got our S. hitch IT life every single one of you every single one of you huddle somebody you love I lost my father good friends if I sister
died a few months before Richard and I'm a stranger to brief and your nose if you have a hard grief it's going to catch you if you haven't had adversity it's going to get you to the question in your life is not when you fall down hockey doing a full time okay I have the cure took me awhile but have to cure so much of this
a few days after rich died I did what I was hardware to do as a dragon on investor a businesswoman I got up I just myself down I said Todaro my lovely beautiful twelve year old who's quite broken grief stricken shogunate if we're just going to dust ourselves down when I get into a car and you're going to go to school and I'm going to go
to work afterwards when I spoke online company and I was just so much about this people on social medical me hard hearted bitch for doing us I wasn't a hard hearted I was a widow who did know what to do so dutifully no matter how bad the days where the rebound no matter how both of the nights where we got up could you got in the
car and we drove to school and work and as the months went by I worry to some homework decline of use evidence and learning the hole in my life I worried that was doing it right I wasn't doing this greeting him because it still felt pretty terrible so stop pouring over the books that friends give me on the websites and I found the stages of grief
from my god those stages of grief adorable concussion and some nights from school anything what you don't want him looking up stage versions I well my mom I'm not sure I also acceptance yeah I think I know his dad okay how much longer I Jeez Mullen not angry that he died I feel pretty terrible so I feel pretty terrible to to cover my pleasure committees of
couple stages of analysis to use is enormous grace we are somewhat denial I see my coat my Britain twelve year old has got some flushing blinding light of genius about his brief Madonna's graciously Chuck Amato Monocacy to permit them that's the Irish guy but to I was for the feeling guilty that I wasn't all through those days with a load of rubbish forget them nobody goes
through those stages of grief so I started doing what I'm hardware to do is looking for evidence the next day I saw to my computer and into Google I wrote the cure for grief is dot dot open the most amazing close this month Elbert Hubbard Disney he died over a hundred years ago off the coast of old concern but he died because a German U. boat
torpedoed the Lusitania himself his wife passed away he called himself an honored guest an author and he wrote the cure for grief wait for his motion cure for grief is motion this mom didn't even know how genius that wants the cure for grief is motion I knew that was important because I have none I wasn't on the coach couch every single night of binge watching Netflix
of lunging for the last one was eaten every car but I got my hands on the was no emotional state was a petite my way through the was no motion going on in my life I'll tell you why because during those months when Richard was sick during those months I stayed in the moments not an actual statement study started in business have always looked future I
said in the moment because that's how I coped I stayed in the motor because talk about coffee and tea and smoke I got in the wheelchair out of the car and what time is the doctor's appointment what's the weather going to be like they was far better and if my mind at any point fool firms that terrible terrible scenario the future where he was going to
leave me and die with a will of iron I grabbed a pack to the present blessed with the sugar today which like tomato soup for lunch I stayed in the moments when he died I was sucking moments works not to Strachan moment the incredible the lure of the past had gripped me I found my son she was back in those wonderful wonderful moments where I was
building a life and a future with Richard in my head when the business of the day would add what did I do I went back over holidays dutiful days the day I married him today was dar was born then we decided to buy the business Harmonia then he laughed and I said I'm motion dragons and all of those things were just beautiful places for me to
be there is no motion going on in my life I was going backwards so cure for grief was motion I read over a hundred pieces of research I did all hard work see enough to I counted at the other hundred piece of research came across this amazing man I'm in love with him I would love a big brains are never mashing big plays a far better
than George Clooney sorry Thomas certain door for his name is an Australian anthropologist he's a genius he spent two decades of his life I would have to looking up what makes us uniquely human go back to Charles Darwin the arch of the species Charles Darwin believed that like our nearest oz was the chimpanzees who are the closest to awesome by the way we are the toaster
parties than any other animal in the species I was like are more distant relatives there are times because we all share a common foundation we may have higher traits we may be more highly evolved but Thomas sudden Dorf and other scientists believed actually worth something uniquely human battles the must be something that sets it apart from the rest of the animal kingdom that means we now
rule the palace so much so that were nearly extermination our nearest relatives what's uniquely human about us two things when you will be surprised uniquely human the only species on the planet the conduit we are obsessed with communication with each other were obsessed with a deep seated Hardwar drive to needs to swap stories and share experiences it doesn't take much snow that we've just had an
entire generation spending the best brains not curing cancer but finding ways we can swap stories and share experiences virtually a digitally and photographs snapshots tweets and morals besides second thing far more important in terms the cure for grief what you did earlier do you know how much because you are the only species you can do us you can put your brain into the past not just
to your earliest living memory you can go back in your brain to the dawn of civilization Stephen Hawkins to the big blind and you could let all those memories experience them bring them into the present and use them but I still here's the genius best you could protect future scenarios no other species on the planet Kondo's you can say I want to own a business I
want the PhD I'm going to marry that man I'm going to hop up they go to live in the house I'm going to go to the Caribbean online a sun drenched beach and here's the really really cool best you can then decide which one you're going to do using free will you consult a course your brain on a journey towards our destination was that important to
me because I didn't know the destination much in this I'm in the car rich as the car's gonna featured site on why sometimes the consequences for males Richard Myron a journey were sitting in the front seat together Donna who's driving probably him doors in the box is a big bloody boulder just fell on the road right in front of me destroys the pop and the road
was no longer one and I wasn't so much in the slow lane I was crushed in the car I was crushed in the car but no petrol no gas no ignition no future because when he donates my future died with him so I knew number one cure I have to find a future not yet to members individually the ones from the traditional you have to remember
that I was this person monosyllabic lying on the couch I had no notion of turn on the ignition I know interesting but the patch in the car even though I knew I had to find a future second your for grief I found the trigger and I found it by accident so picture this a few months off to Richard I probly about aids my mama was a
counselor she's great she said you know what you just summed accepted brings them to the group so you need to go off of the countries on spend some time together with Dara moon walk in the woods and doing all those lovely things undermined will come to terms with this cataclysmic events so they're around me and my mind's not good company for each other I can tell
you as the blogger because of juice and she said listen here's the thing caught this famous news presenter you will know him Vincent brown he's gonna holiday yes it does take some would you fill in for him Huff nodded grief desperate to skate the mountains in the Wicklow tells us that you know what adores yeah no bother a villain from so I drove up to two
three and I will not use the expertise of that I use let's suffice to say that I pull the car up looked at the sign and said what the hell are you doing unbelievably I had just spent eight months locking myself in the boardroom not speaking to anybody apart from somebody saying sorry if your troubles in times of grace here which is by the way that's
all the conversation I tighten heroes but a host of news and current affairs programme fast moving so walked in the door the producer how you do north and doing great I was the author and threw up she brought me into the boardroom said still this research it's on fiscal stuff today the minister for finance is on loads of economists Petzold research of a few hours to
get that into account now I pride myself on the journalist of good short term memory I think I can regurgitate stuff for a period of time not a synopsis going on in my brain I read every sentence fifty thousand times what she comes in every night against tighter rush into the bathroom I wasn't about to more of those in the borders of the time I sit
in the chair only because I look to the minister for finance couldn't even members name I had this red rash which started here my chest which is flaming up my neck and opens my cheeks that was a big bowl of my throat I had no saliva the ozeki was just a blur the wasn't a question in my head Homer alternativos for my season that would be
the first time some people to from and some brown show that's not usually the presenter first time for everything I was the order to started to move out the commerce started true I don't know what happened my breeding studies I got stuck into us and before I knew it some dozen layers and it's minute rock and I'm Terry runs on heights nor Casey in June and
tomorrow night on the way home I call my mother I don't know why but when the phrase I'm in the car and worried about the carjack she's a system in which it is miles away but I was gonna so I did my legs slightly smug did you hear what he said and you see the trees are not ridiculous question from among she's going my god Nora
I've never heard you talk like this for just a year you're on fire so I realize something really important really important my brain was moving I found an ignition I found a scar spark to notice because called opening another that'll begin tactical on you but you know I'm a grown dopamine avec everything there is to know myths misconceptions everything else you know what drives people on
explorers and adventurers what makes them what is twenty two days the North Pole noted on my genitals back its dopamine what makes you go into the jungle when others would run in the opposite direction National Geographic to this amazing article which talks about entrepreneurs explores adventures and how their brains were coursing with dopamine this is very important because then it becomes slightly addicted to that opening
fix because that gasoline in my car that dopamine out its worst with dopamine is free flowing it also breaks to put you into the Fossen a careers you don destructive path so people were addicted drugs and alcohol and gambling and smoking it's because of dopamine so it's bastard encourages you to new things like I had done face object Tara take risks you catch a dove move
on why is this important grief because when you meet the person you love and I hope some of you in the room have already your eyes lock across a crowded room it's nothing to do with his heart okay I was a nurse pumps blood runs about a hundred thousand times that entirely to do it appear you bring okay it superior brain so when you meet